Kerasnya HATI

Cinta...
Mengapa sukar untuk mengerti?
Hadirnya, tak berbunyi.
Rupanya, tak mengenali.
Tiba-tiba jer terjatuh hati.

Hati...
mengapa sukar tuk bersapa?
kasih dan cinta diberi, tiada setara.
demimu, sanggup berkorban apa saja,
asalkan kau bahagia.
tapi, maengapa masih sukar tuk menerima?

Bahagia...
Ya, aku bahagia.
Diperlakukan bak puteri diraja.
semua kehendakku ditunaikan jua.
Senyumku, tawaku, sakitku, amarahku, semua diterima.
Andai ini bahagia,
mengapa masih jiwa meronta, kosong tak bersuara?

Gara-gara cinta sebelumnya.

CINTA = SAYANG = LOVE

SAYANG = CINTA? kalau SAYANG dan CINTA memberikan pengkadaran maksud yg sama, what's with the existence of both words today?? nape x boleh wat 1 term jer, mcm LOVE. huHu~ no other big word can describe em.

Mak aku kata, SAYANG dan CINTA adalah sama. Mak aku juga pernah bertanya, macammana bila kita bercinta dengan seseorang, boleh timbulnya perasaan SAYANG, tapi tak CINTA? Perasaan itu boleh dijangka kah? macam termometer pulak nak ade takat-takat suhu perasaan.

Apa perbezaan SAYANG dan CINTA? In english, when you said I LOVE YOU, what does it mean actually, in Malay? Boleh jadi Saya cinta kamu or Saya sayang kamu, betul tak? So, it means that both words are being treated the same when we spoke in english. am I right? Bagi aku.. SAYANG dan CINTA are two different words with their own meanings. Tapi, how to differentiate them? haaa.. tu aku tak tau. Semua ini berkenaan dengan hati. Hanya hati orang yang pernah menyayangi dan mencintai je dapat bezakan perasaan tu. Sama seperti apa yang hati aku rasakan sekarang.

Orang kata daripada MINAT, bertukar SUKA, berganti SAYANG, menimbulkan CINTA. senang untuk menyayangi semua orang, tapi susah untuk mencintai seseorang. Dan ternyata amat sukar untuk melupakan seseorang yang pernah kita cintai setulus hati.

So, try to remember the next time you said or heard "I LOVE YOU", what exactly did you meant by that? Is it cinta or sayang? That's why aku lebih prefer mengungkapkannya dalam bahasa ibunda.

Notakaki: Yang mana hadir dulu dalam hati, SAYANG atau CINTA?

I HATE THIS FEELING.

i hate him.

i hate her.

i hate them.

but,

i love him. =(

yet, i'm not his.

i can't accept when everyone congratulate him for having her.

i couldn't bear their pics together

but, it's even unbearable for me not to look, =(

wishing that something different might turn up sometime.

why did he post them up in the 1st place?

was it as a proof of him that he has moved on?

as a warning?

as a ticket for me not stepping one step closer in his life?

a way of making me jealous n regret?

a token to take his revenge on me?

or this.. or that??

so many different scenarios running in this small head of mine.

still, i never got the answer.

i'm afraid to ask..

yes. we always let the sleeping dogs lie..

coz we both knew,

how certain and curious we might,

n how true what we thought d answers might be..

be that as it may..

we can't bear knowing da truth.

experience thought us, third times a charm.

so, we kept on beating around d bush all dis while.

i always wonder..

how she made him laugh?

lightened his day?

being his shoulder to cry on?

can she make him smile n laugh like i did?

can she soothes him like i do?

can she be his instant-moodchange when he's sober like i used to?

is their love is as pure as ours?

not lead by greed,lust,or whatsoever.

i got the best of both worlds,

how can i choose which is d apple of my eye. =(

TO LOVE, OR BE LOVED?

TO BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE?

OR BE WITH THE ONE WHO LOVES YOU??

I'm caught in between a rock n a hard place.

resentful by da actions i took, decisions i made,

it's a taste of my own medicine.

i dun want both of them ever had any gut feeling.

Irrationally speaking..

They are both too good too be true,

that I might not end up with either of them. =(

i'm a witch in disguise.

as greedy n envy as d step-mother of snow white ,

for only wanting her beauty to be fairest in da land.

THEY BOTH DESERVE BETTER.

n let me be an old maiden. =(

MY MISTAKE to begin with.

I created all dis mess.

so, it's mine n mine only to endure.

[[so many more to write,

but, so little time had left.

TO BE CONT.]]